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Teacher Newsmagazine Volume 16, Number 4, March 2004

Gems from high school essays

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

She grew on him like she was a colony of e-coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for awhile.

Source: Three Quarter Times, Vancouver Folk Song Society, December 2003.

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